I Discovered a Hack for Happiness

The new millennium has completely transformed the way of life for billions of people. I say new millennium because it’s only been 20 years out of a thousand. We have a long way to go, assuming optimistically that humans will survive till then. There is hardly anything today, that is done the same way it was done 25 years ago. Technology and the internet have not left any field un-revolutionized. It is no secret, however, that it is also creating problems for humans with respect to their mental health. A plethora of studies all indicate a unprecedented rise in the number of people diagnosed with mental illnesses, Depression being one of the most common ones. The word ‘depression’ has succumbed to it’s overuse in the vocabulary of the masses. People have been using the word depression to describe a state of temporary sadness caused by a setback. A casual conversation among peers may go as follows: “ I was depressed because my team lost the game”. At this juncture, It is important for us to distinguish depression from general sadness due the sheer seriousness and the wickedness that’s actually associated with it. General sadness is an emotion which is usually temporary. It is almost inevitable that if you are sad for one moment, you will find joy through some other way sooner or later. However, depression is an all-encompassing weight on your mind that never goes away. It makes you lose interest even in the things you normally find pleasurable.

The most difficult aspect about dealing with depression is that most people continue to lead their melancholic lives without ever even considering that they may indeed be suffering from a recognized medical illness. At first glance, it looks like a first world problem and people with limited resources justify not getting help by thinking they neither have the time nor the luxury to attend to it. But the statistics show that people all over the world are equally likely to be suffering from it and there are no discernible rural-urban differences.

At the time of writing this, the whole world is undergoing the COVID-19 crisis. I am usually an optimistic person. At least I think I am. But the constant negative news these days with thousand of people losing their lives and million more losing their livelihoods would have affected any sane person. I too have noticed that I have developed the tendency to find faults in my otherwise blissful life. It seemed strange that without any sound reason, I was sometimes overcome by episodes of sadness and negative emotions. I was irritable, distracted, lethargic and sometimes an outright jerk to my loved ones. Being a student of science all my life, I decided to investigate and try out various strategies that I hoped will become a source of light in the darkness I was slipping into. I have summarized my findings and conclusions below for everyone to gain from.

I noticed that Depression, as evil as it is, is also very sneaky. It creeps up in one’s mind when no one is paying attention. Studies show that there hardly a single event or a reason that triggers a healthy mind to go over the edge into depression. It is a series of small loses in various aspects of one’s life. Events such as a break-up, loss of a loved one. public humiliation, financial setback or unemployment can be the initiating event. But, it’s usually the negative thoughts that follow the initiating event that slowly but surely drag the person down into the mental abyss. It goes without saying that some people having suffered too long have tendencies to hurt themselves. If you are at that stage and are reading this, I urge you to seek help. Hurting yourself and consequently your loved ones is never the solution to whatever you may be facing.

The question,then, is how to deal with it. The better question is how to avoid falling into the negative frame of mind in the first place. I tried answering this the following way. What was a result of a series of small setbacks or a barrage of negative thoughts and self doubts can surely only be rectified by doing what’s the opposite. All you need is one small win each day. It could be in any aspect of your life but it should be something you had chosen to. It could be as simple as waking up immediately after the alarm on your phone rings or having a small conversation with someone you want to maintain a better relationship with. It could be working out or going for a run or saving the extra bit of cash that you would have splurged on something useless or worse, something unhealthy. All these are small wins that will help you fight the negative thoughts in your head. It is a war that needs to be won by winning a small battle each day.

I have been experimenting with the various activities to generate a small win each day. There is one fundamental flaw to this technique though. Let me illustrate, Suppose I was someone who didn’t enjoy running very much but have taken up running just to get that small win each day. I run every morning for 5 days and on the sixth and the seventh days, for whatever reason, I couldn’t. Now, I should ideally let it go and be easy on myself. However, the fact that I broke my streak and did not run made me sad and in my mind, unconsciously, it is counted as a loss. It is absurd that not running is a new source of loss for me when I wasn’t even running a week ago! Needless to say, I stopped running altogether soon. I understand that this may be different for different people but I think most can relate. Fortunately, with sufficient experimentation, I have found the solution to this and the last one month, I have made substantial progress in curbing most negative thoughts.

Firstly, I need to give credit to my 7 month old baby who is the inspiration for the solution I have arrived at. The answer, I now believe lies in curiosity. I have observed the boundless curiosity of the infant with respect to every aspect of her life. She explores her world with her touch and tries to taste everything that’s in her grasp. Every sound grabs her attention and anything that we take for granted as mundane seems extraordinary to her. She’s constantly learning something new through exploration oftentimes even through injuries. She is never afraid to fail because she doesn’t know any other way but to try again. Just observing her in her playpen amazes me seeing how relentless she is. She may may a short attention span and can be easily distracted but her level of curiosity stays right where it was. I’d like to believe that this leaves no room for boredom in her brilliant developing mind.

Taking a cue from her, I have started to fuel the many curiosities I have by jumping in with both feet into whatever interests me. All day and everyday, in whatever free time I have, I just have one goal. To learn something I didn’t know or to learn something I didn’t know how to do. To learn to behave in a way I didn’t before and at the end of the day be a fraction better than I was yesterday. Amazingly, the wins are no longer about doing something I had planned to do. The wins come as long as I have learned something new. And yes, there are days when I do not get time to learn anything new. But guess what! the wonder of curiosity makes me hungrier the day after to get back on this splendid journey of discovery. You may be wondering in what ways do I quench my curiosity. Well, the rules are: there are no rules. Everything under the sun and beyond are completely acceptable. It could be a quirky historical story or a new song on the guitar, programming in python or to make a delicious dish, a wonderful conversation with a distant friend or reading a new book. The constant wins have led the way in creation of a what can be called a growth mindset.

Another aspect I think we can learn from babies is their ability to let go. To forgive and forget yours’ and others’ past transgressions opens doors of opportunity with unlimited potential. Going over the same conversations again in your head or feeling regret for things you’ve done has hardly ever proven useful. The same time is better spent on satisfying your curiosities. In fact, people who have experienced clinical depression have often shown symptoms of absolute disinterest in everything they do. The deliberate act of going after whatever you are interested in is exactly the opposite of what depression is about. That is why I think it has been so effective in extinguishing the slightest sparks of negativity the moment they arrive.

TL,DR; fill up your free time with things you are curious about and you’ll never have the time to harness negative emotions. You’ll be thoroughly engaged in your inquisitiveness and can hopefully lead a much more fulfilled life.

Thank you for reading!